Preschool Kids Say

What Exactly is Marriage?
When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, "I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out.
-Anita - age 9

How Does Person Decide Whom to Marry?
You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one.
- Kelly - age 9

How Does Person Decide Whom to Marry?
My mother says to look for a man who is kind... That's what I'll do... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome.
- Carolyn - age 8

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married.
Eighty four. Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.
- Carolyn - age 8

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married.
Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife.
- Bert, age 5

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down... It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values.
- Lottie, age 9

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet? My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind.
- Jeremy, age 8

What Do Most People Do On a Date:
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10

What Do Most People Do On a Date:
Many daters just eat pork chops and French fries and talk about love.
- Craig, age 9

When is Okay to Kiss Someone?
You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding.
Allan, age 10

What Do Most People Do On a Date:
Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you... If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.
- Kally, age 9

The Great Debate: Is it Better to Be Single or Married?
You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan
- Kirsten, age 10

The Great Debate: Is it Better to Be Single or Married?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9

The Great Debate: Is it Better to Be Single or Married?
It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble.
- Will, age 7

What Most People are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day."
Michelle, age 9.

What Most People are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"
"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."
Dick, age 7.

How Do People In Love Typically Behave?
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour."
Wendy, age 8.

What Most People are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"
"Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much."
Arnold, age 10.

What Most People are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark."
Sherm, age 8.

On What Falling In Love Is Like
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
John, age 9.

On What Falling In Love Is Like
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."
Glenn, age 7.

Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."
Gavin, age 8.

Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."
John, age 9.

The Personal Qualities You Need to Have in Order to be a Good Lover
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
Ava, age 8.

Some Surefire Ways to Make a Person Fall In Love With You
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."
Alonzo, age 9.

How Can You Tell if Two Adults Eating Dinner at a Restaurant Are in Love?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love."
Bobby, age 9.

How Can You Tell if Two Adults Eating Dinner at a Restaurant Are in Love?
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold...Other people care more about the food."
Bart, age 9.

How Can You Tell if Two Adults Eating Dinner at a Restaurant Are in Love?
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up."
Sarah, age 9.

How To Make Love Endure
"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love."
Erin, age 8.

How To Make Love Endure
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash."
Dave, age 8.

Random Thoughts
The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

Random Thoughts
Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

Random Thoughts
(Define H2O and CO2) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

Random Thoughts
The people who followed the lord were called the twelve opossums.

Random Thoughts
One of the main causes of dust is Janitors.

Random Thoughts
A scout obeys all to who obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

Random Thoughts
The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

Random Thoughts
Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

Random Thoughts
In spring the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

Random Thoughts
In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

Random Thoughts
A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

Random Thoughts
To prevent colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

Regarding Religion
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Regarding Religion
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between
pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!!!"

Regarding Religion
At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"
The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes, and my mom says it's a bitch to iron."

Regarding Religion
A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."

Regarding Religion
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

Regarding Religion
A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

Regarding Religion
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

Regarding Religion
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Regarding Religion
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said. "Johnny what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

Regarding Religion
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones You have?

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Mickey

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.-Nan

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will tell me. -Love, Alison

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? -Lucy

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother. -Darla

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before - You can look it up. -Bruce

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: If we come back as something - Please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. -Denise

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. -Sam

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. -Dean

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. -Ruth

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. -Elliott

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.> >-Rob

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? -Marsha

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. -Love, Chris

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stole your idea. -Sincerely, Donna

Children Write to God.....
Dear GOD: I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool. - Eddie

A Child's Thoughts
An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."

A Child's Thoughts
One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "So, Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

A Child's Thoughts
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty .

A Child's Thoughts
A woman, who is a doctor, tells this story about her then-4-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought the mother, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"